Eulogy 4.0

reposted from 08 December 2005 on another, lamer, blog site

Last night I said a sad goodbye to my good friend, 4.0.

I knew 4.0 only briefly. We met in college. I remember thinking she wouldn’t have anything to do with someone like me, but I was wrong. We wound up spending a lot of time together, some late nights, some really early mornings, and a lot of words. I was really impressed by her ability to always give it 100%, you know?

I was proud to have 4.0 as a friend. I even bragged about her! I actually felt smarter in her presence.

At times like this, you’re always tempted to say, “It isn’t fair.” But that’s not right. This isn’t about what’s fair. 4.0 never relied on “fair” to get her through things. Nor will I.

And it’s hard not to think that I lost 4.0 before her time. But let’s be honest, we all knew it was time. All the drinking sure didn’t help, and—well, I’ll just refer to her other problems the way she would have referred to them herself: “Distractions.”

4.0 was like that. She always had the perfect word for things. But now she’s gone, and it is time to move on.

Next semester, I hope to make a new friend. I’ll try to give her more time and effort than I was able to give to 4.0 these last few months. Until then, I plan to play hard and have fun and remember the good times, when I thought 4.0 would be with me forever.

In closing, I’d like to share a little thing she used to say to me. It may not make much sense to you, but 4.0 would understand.

4.0, I give you an A . Excellent work, my friend.

with this follow up, 19 December 2005:

Today I received the report on the autopsy performed on my dear friend, 4.0. Many of you will recall that I gave the eulogy at her funeral. I truly appreciate the many kind words, cards, and stuffed animals sent to console me. They really did help!

All your good thoughts surely contributed to the situation that has now arisen: The autopsy report has come in, and I am a little embarrassed to share the findings. In a situation such as this, 4.0 would no doubt quote Mark Twain in saying, "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

Some of you, I am told, will better understand this as, "The bitch is back."
4.0 is recovering nicely. Time will tell whether she will be able to achieve her former health. I will certainly be looking to contribute what I can to her general well-being! My only real regret --and this I say in confidence-- is my own reticence. I am just so lazy! and now I will have to live up to 4.0's standards again. Don't get me wrong! She's top drawer, the best of the best! I just... sometimes wish I didn't have to strive to meet her level of performance.

Oh well. I'm glad I'll have her with me at the start of the spring semester! I'll be studying Marketing with Dr. Barnum, and I'll be building my portfolio with Dr. Hopper. It will be good to be working with 4.0 again, and giving her all I have. I look forward to the challenge 4.0's own personality has always represented.

To 4.0 herself, I have only one thing to say: Bring it on.